Why are there so many marriage counselors, divorce lawyers, etc? One only has to look at the history of marriage to know that our present day view of it is a bit wrong. I'm a COMPLETELY different person I am now than I was in my 20s. However, I think nowadays we tend to put our happiness above an institution..some of us do anyway.
We see marriage through rose colored glasses nowadays. We make them feel "less than" if they aren't married. If I'd married then, I'd be EXTREMELY fortunate if my husband changed with me in exactly complimentary ways. Some people still stay together in misery because of religion, finances, children, etc.
I grew up with the rom-coms and the books where women were not cool or were nobodies if they didn't have a man.
We all grew up with "old maid" and "spinster" and "crazy cat lady" verbiage. So, in short I don't think the author is gender bashing. Happiness is up to you and marriage won't get it for you. Meaning, to me, that marriage is a legal contract filed with the state, and along with that, marriage is whatever the 2 people make it. I think to a large degree we're trying to cobble antiquated marriage-as-property-rights onto a modern chick-flick passionate love affair, raise kids in between, as well as grow personally and as a couple, while keeping up with the changing mores of society and surviving the economic ups and downs. Tall order for superman, let alone ordinary humans who can barely keep up with their smart phones :) I have never thought of it this way, but I have to say it really clicked for me.
I’m a psychotherapist, family therapist and the author of My statement and questions are: As I was growing up and going through life no one ever advised me of Vikki's perspective on "men" (the majority of my generation of women do not know these facts - someone should tell them)...I would have known this, OMG I would have done things differently than sacrificing 40 years of my life and dragging my precious children, my family, and friends through this absolute PAIN. I grew up with the men around me being the pillars of their communities and more so their families. Vikki makes marriage sound like it's a life of ego stroking and sex. From Vikki's assessment of men and women, I now have a way deeper admiration of the men who stick with their families and wives. If men are so emotionally fragile and all they think of is with their penis, will they find happiness and comfort with younger women?
Marriage comes with making a living; feeding and housing the children; marriage is about communicating. And who do not use gender as an excuse to get through life. Or are younger women just smarter and more heartless (take the money and run)?
Is Vikki's suggestion to all us abandoned women that if we don't want to live alone...find a man....stroke his ego...him lots of sex...life is good? My, my, we are from two different worlds, My husband just went along for the ride, and I just dragged him along for 33 years of our marriage, with children he never really wanted either. Although I'm sure he wanted and loves his children. It is your husband that should feel used..least from the way the article shows it to be and if you read it with the most negative connotation.
But many men felt that, yes, they were part of it and they went along with it because she seemed to want it so much, but the institution of marriage was not what was keeping him there. When his feelings for her waver, it’s not that hard to walk away from the rest.That's why I'm leaving her --- she can marry herself. We blame people instead of "marriage." Why do so many experience so many problems with marriage? It is only now looking back at that time that I remember they hardly said a word to each other. They came and went without any thought to the other one.Why is just about every woman's magazine about helping them with marriage (either getting into one or helping them once they're in one)? My GGM would silently go about her "duty" of cooking his supper and putting it in front of him. I often think that is profoundly sad but we hold their generation up as the ideal. Somehow they were able to stay together so we should be able to as well.Women belittle that need, but it exists and it’s true. Typically, when a man either has an affair or leaves a long-term marriage, the wife is often incredulous.She can’t understand how he could put everything they’d built together at risk.